one:
They delivered the mannequins in bubble wrap. From the main room I begin to hear popping. — Mikeyseventyfive
two:
I went on my phone and saw pictures of me sleeping. I live alone. — Anonymous
The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock at the door. — Fredrick Brown
four: (click ‘all comments’ to see it first)
After dating all through high school and college, our daughter’s boyfriend finally came by today to ask my husband and me for her hand. We gave it to him, hoping that he’ll finally tell us where the rest of her is. — Sati Marie Frost
five:
After being forced to starve and live naked in the woods for years, my wife and I finally found the courage to steal some food from the man who had been torturing us. I felt my heart sink as a thundering voice shook the Earth, saying "Adam, what have you done…” — billbill5
six:
“So, you’re telling me that you’re in my daughter’s room because you’re a magical, jolly fat man who brings all children presents once a year?”
At the time, he was thrilled that the man had bought his ad-libbed excuse, but if he had known he’d have to keep up the lie for the rest of eternity, he would have just served the jail time. — NoPastaForGrandma
My Dad likes dressing us up as ghosts when we go trick or treating. I wish we could ask for candy, but he only wants to light big crosses on people's front lawns. — Forward3000
Nothing like ice cold milk in the morning. I love it when they bring pregnant women to the morgue. — Zombiecatpants
nine:
My wife just texted me to say that the school bus was running late. Then, what bus did my daughter just get on? — Zahfier
ten:
I love children. They taste so much better than adults. — Anonymous
I decided to kill off a few characters in the book I’m writing. It would definitely spice up my autobiography a little. — Killroy137
I can hear 1 year into the future. Today, the noise stopped. — Anonymous
They told me not to build my house on a supposed graveyard. I believed them the night I heard knocking beneath my feet. — Anonymous
I can’t move, breathe, speak or hear; it’s so dark all the time. If I knew it would be this lonely, I would have been cremated. — RunawayNebula
fifteen: (# 147)
I used to be considered the evil twin. But now I’m considered an only child. — Anonymous
sixteen: (# 21)
It sat on my shelf with thoughtless porcelain eyes and the prettiest pink doll dress I could find. Why did she have to be stillborn?
seventeen: (same source, # 26)
My sister says that mommy killed her. Mommy says that I don’t have a sister.
I watched as the man who had murdered my family was executed. I smiled as I knew that I got away with murder. — Anthonybrose
As a doctor, I am against physician-assisted suicide. It’s no fun when the patients want to die. — ace250
I had a dream I was being dragged to hell, burning and writhing in agony. I woke up with the doctor standing over me saying "whew, we'd lost you for a few minutes”. — Monechetti
Day 312. Internet still not working. — fluffyponyza